Ep 19 TARTE

oh! an old fashioned newsletter

Ash took this at my studio on a disposable camera the night of our debut pole performance at Unicorn in September.

There are so many new mailboxes this email is going to. Hello new Gentle Friends!

Usually at this point in a project - that is, when an unspecified number, but some intuited mass of people on the internet are aware of my existence - I will find a way to disappear. Visibility is something I’ve had a hard time with throughout my entire life as an artist, an internal conflict that has resulted in some aggressive self sabotaging behaviors. For the last decade it seemed like every time I began to get noticed by a larger audience for my work, I would orchestrate a crisis, crash out, and find a shadow to crawl back into, compulsively abandoning the project that was now in greater demand.

As a Gemini, a certain amount of pivoting and multitasking is par for the course. We are often exemplary models of a non-linear but perfectly fine path. However, what I’m describing is a destructive pattern that even in my sustained awareness of it, for a long and agonizing time could not see a resolution for.

The most recent crawling back into a shadow happened almost exactly 3 years ago, immediately after I reached a visual art career milestone, a solo show at Scope with gallery representation during Art Basel Miami. It was the biggest scariest crash out to date and it lasted for 2 whole years - I stopped painting, performing, publishing, and any other medium that may result in me being perceived creatively, with very little exception.

Within my debilitation I yearned for creative impulse to return. It was a bad time. Even the idea that I “yearned” sounds more hopeful than whatever it was I was experiencing, but it was enough of a directive force to inspire reflection. The time shook away some of my ego’s grip on the recipe of my life’s ambitions, calibrated me to my spirit and the desires of my heart, and ultimately provided a guiding framework and purpose for my choices as I emerged/am emerging from my cave this year.

A lot has changed and I have updates whether you’ve been here all along or you’re new to this still-a-bit-unhinged and still having monthly meltdowns while navigating PMDD - but also more present and grounded version of me.

(ps - the grammar in this correspondence is going to be mothh invented, chat gpt is gross - it’s destroying the environment - i’m going to use it when necessary but I’d rather risk you thinking i’m dumb than use it today. plus i am kinda dumb, so what)

Less than a year ago I was afraid to be out as a sex worker beyond my closest friends, I struggled to write about it even on my own private substack and the idea of being out in the place I live was unthinkable. I was simultaneously desperate to communicate my experiences and knew that doing so would have the greatest impact on improving conditions for the communities I belong to.

So much has happened between then and now, but the material results are the impetus for this newsletter update and include some of the ways I have allowed myself and chosen to become visible. There are beautiful and interesting things I want to share with you and it’s the biggest relief to feel free to do so. Some of the things are - my new book Giving Body, a conversation I had about erotic labor ON AIR!! earlier this week, 2 events I’m producing, and Qigong classes!

Book: Giving Body by Gentle Mothh - a book of photography and reflections on lived experience and community within erotic labor (Sliding Scale $80-$120)

1. KWD (Ishtar Collective) and me on the radio talking about these upcoming shows 2. Poster for the TARTE reading Nov 9 designed by Ashley Molesso 3. Me and Ashley Riso Printing

Radio: Radio Kingston: “The Oldest Profession” with Gentle Mothh and KWD

Reading in Upstate NY: Tarte Sunday November 9 | 5pm | C. Cassis 108 Salisbury Turnpike, Rhinebeck | featuring artists: Lex Powell @lex_growl , Joss Lake @joss.e.lake, Stephanie Kaylor @stemkay , Kaytlin Bailey @kaytlinbailey , Ashley Molesso @ashleymolesso , Gentle Mothh @gentlemothh | Ft. chef: Morgan Brill @morganbrillShow

Show in Upstate NY: Nov 14 at Unicorn Bar Kingston | The Oldest Profession : A History of Whores| Doors 5 pm | Show 6:30pm | Dual pole performance by Ashley Molesso + Gentle Mothh | 1 hour Performance - comedic history of Whore’s written and performed by Kaytlin Bailey | Ishtar Collective Mutual Aid Table | Early Bird Tickets $12 - $22 | $30 at the door

Qigong: I teach a live streamed approx. 30 minute Qigong class every Monday at 8:30 am ET here on my Substack. Qigong is one of the tools that brought me back and keeps me in my center. Monday Live Class Sessions are free to join, the weekly class recordings and library of past classes are available with a paid membership of $20/mo.

moment of takeout bliss during Exxxotica NJ visiting my friends at the Erotic Professionals Alliance Booth where they shared lunch with me that I ate while hiding behind their table

\