I traced the line of sight from the cat’s eyes to the floor, trying to make out a bug or some other moving creature that had her rapt attention, but quickly realized she was locked in on her own shadow. As her human and I talked over kale salad about my hang-ups surrounding sex and money, the cat joined us in a symbolic performance with her own shadow that lasted the entire dinner.
From Fariha Róisín’s Substack last week:
The essay starts with this photo and words of Anthony Bourdain.
Eventually towards the end, she circles back: “To answer Bourdain, I think we are ashamed when we are defined by our shadows, yet our shadow sometimes also dictates our pleasure.”
Stimulated, I will share my take.
I think shame operates inside shadow, outside the light of awareness.
When awareness is brought to something living in the shadow, shame or any other dense emotion, and met with an attitude of neutrality or acceptance, it transforms in reaction to the warmth and light of that new environment.
The Taoists learned that awareness is the baseline, and acceptance is the golden key to changing something on purpose aka alchemy (I have a meditation for that here after the class signup page). Since shame is the opposite of acceptance, as long as shame exists, it drives a person toward choices that recreate the conditions for shame to survive in the dark. Shame keeps people trapped in choices that sometimes manifest in an addiction.
Acceptance is forgiveness. Forgiveness illuminates more choices, creating the conditions for change.
In relation to pleasure: shame tells us to look away, that where we are, including the conditions of our pleasure, is wrong. But pleasure needs a witness, even if that witness is only ourselves.
We tend our shame and fear and anger like pet rocks, guarding them in our shadow, afraid we’ll float away or lose our sense of self without them. We mistake our shadows for ourselves, and our pet rocks for our organs, not understanding that the shadow is a playground, an underworld where transformation is possible if we have the courage to look.
The erotic realm is the natural environment for this alchemical process. While erotic energy can be experienced solo, the surrender, intimacy, and experience of being witnessed by another inside of your shadow through erotic exchange is a different kind of portal. It has the power to bring the many layers of your body from spiritual to physical into coherence.
In my experience, Desire is a natural call toward one’s shadow, toward the dirt and the rocks. Desire can locate us in the present moment and provide information about where to go for discovery of self, other, planet, topic. We have to feed our curiosities and passions to tend our spirit and keep it well. Instinctually, we believe that pleasure is inside of the call. We think that shame, fear, or other blocks are what hold us back but I believe stagnancy and stuckness has more to do with a practice of dishonoring desire. When you feed and maintain your desire, keeping your passion for life alive, you have an easier time applying curiosity to the precious gemstones in your shadow. Their excavation becomes part of the adventure and a gift of life rather than a carceral task of self improvement.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the intimacy avoidance and sexlessness of our time. I think culturally we’ve returned to a time of fear of eroticism, sex, and intimacy because sex is an agent of profound change, of death and transformation. The orgasm is called “petit mort” or “little death” in French. We have grown so afraid of death and intimacy (intensified by the pandemic) that as a society we fear even the little death of self accompanying the height of natural pleasure. Afraid to surrender.
Both sex and art are aspects of life governed by the sex chakra. The energy of biological reproduction, of creating life, is the same energy we use to turn ideas into form. Sex, like art, is a natural and social way to process reality.
The reason I won’t shut up about decriminalizing sex work is because this work and the people who are doing it matter enormously to the wellbeing of the planet as they are facilitating this necessary process of transformation and connection. Sex workers should be revered. Sex workers and artists are doing work that transforms society, allowing us to process the chaos happening around us.
Sex workers operate in the shadows of others’ pleasure, and of our own, being a witness, being witnessed. This takes courage and builds courage. The people I’ve met who have done this work are among the wisest, kindest, most courageous people I know. I think it’s because committing to the full experience of this human life, moving through day and night, through shadow and light, while staying present, comes with a deep acceptance, a deep forgiveness.
Someone who has this kind of relationship with the shadowlands is a privilege and pleasure to be around, and deserves all the money and tribute they receive and more.
Updates
Come take a free class. Qigong classes are going strong at Amahh Studio and I’d love to see you there. Mondays, free, no experience necessary. This month we’re working with the wood element- roots, trunk, branches, building strength while staying soft and open. It’s also a beautiful pre- and post-workout practice if you’ve been moving more with the season.
On Demand spring classes are available in the membership. Substack subscribers get a discount, reach out for the code.
And if you want to know more about the studio, my creative practice, and my recent work with Old Pros Org, I spoke with Chronogram for their April issue. Read it HERE!
One more thing. I’ve been working on an album for a long time now. It’s called Paper Thin and it’s coming in September. Vinyl pre-orders open this month, and I want the people on this list to be first. If you want to be notified the moment they go live, reply to this email and I’ll add you.
xx Mothh
to get in touch - reply to this email or write me at mothh@mothh.us
From the world of Gentle Mothh: 🌿 Free Monday qigong at Amahh Studio — no experience needed 🎵 Paper Thin — vinyl pre-orders opening this month 🤝 Bills I’m advocating for this session in NY
This is beautiful, thank you for writing this <3